When your own people insults you.... how does it feel!

Today was another black day of my life... and the platform for this had already started taking place since yesterday night. when he started calling me that I am of no use... no body respects me like me and I could not earn any friends.. he mentioned when I was in US with him no other girl likes me as a friend.. he said I m useless and abused also,, my family and me.

My own very own husband pulled me by neck and dragged towards our room in front of all and pushed me.. I could hardly manage to maintain my balance and fell on bed while I was carrying my two year old son in my hands!!! he was saved.

this happened when today morning in lobby  I was trying to put my point to his rude cruel mother and brother in law who just do what she wants to do without considering its impacts on her own chidern and then on saying something she starts shedding crocodile tears to emotionally pull everyone on her side...
No body fil bil  mil said a single word to him that he should not have become violent over me that way like illiterate savage people!!! they just kept on enjoying the scene...

I just collected myself together and got up from bed while he was continuously abusing me while I had taken such a good care of him like his bfast, dinner lunch his bdays his especial days , planned vacations for him... took care of him in an honest manner. but he forget all when I have argument with his cunning hypocrite mom.. who does not love him as much as she loves her younger son.

I came out of my room to prepare food for my son and then said loudly to mil "now you are happy on seeing this all"!!! oh then bil just jumped into and started arguing with me.. .said its between me and hubby so they will not say a single word whatever happens.. I toh said even if turns into ugliest of things you guys will just keep on watching and did not try to calm it down!!!

I have always thought of others happiness and likes and dislikes but here no one cares about what I like and donot like..... they all call me mad, stupid silly nonsense girl. if I raise voice then I m treated lilke animals!

BIL has problem with me relaxing and doing something of  my interest in my room. he gave me long lecture about how should I be behaving though he himself have no rules no discipline in his life.

house is mine why cant I sit where ever I feel like
I sit for couple of hours with all in the drawing room everynight during dinner time though.

 

You r alone in this rude world

As years are passing, I m getting more and more lonely! I dont know why... is it because I am not able to adjust to world s mean selfish and cunning ways or I am a bad person.
While i have changed from being selfish since childhood to a very genereous n simple person! However one trait always prevailed   Honesty and self respect! Nothing  could have changed these traits of mine.. i have become more vocal though able to stand up for my rights and respect even though it had been a case of one man army!!!
I have no friends no buddies to share n speak my heart out ! Just hav handful of so called friends on fb n whatsapp!! Neither at office nor at home or any other social circle. Only freind is this dark silent vast loneliness around me. I have extended my hand of friendship to many but got no positive response.. are people around me jealous of me?

Cruel life and heartless people

I don't know why my life has just become like a handle which everyone around me is trying to move in the direction they want to get something done for themselves.
Nobody is concerned about me, my work, my health and my problems. They are just looking at what they want from me.
I'm a married person for last  4.5 yrs, with my partner being away for me for more than 2 months now
living with my mom in law, father in law and brother in law but they are hardly concerned about me unless i make stand up and make noise for anything i need...one of the major issues i m facing in my life is that i m trying and trying but not able to conceive for last one and half year...
fact is that we are not able to spend time together during those days due to some family occasion or him being away on office assignment...every month there is birthday, marrirage anniversary or some other occasion...due to which we can do anyting on those specific days...i m living my life with a feeling of guilt as  my mom in law remains angry with me does not talk to me my husband also eagelry looking forward to his child...but i think i m not able to do same.i m so lonely and helpless. I asked God every night to tell me in my dream like why so and if ii can ever get and spread that happiness around me....
i m a working women and my partner too...we hardly get 2 hours to talk to each other in  a day time and now he's away for last two months due to office work...
i have no body to spend my weekends with....in laws dont stay at home, brother in law never asks me anything...he stays out of home for entire day and evening...
sis in law though stays very nearby in less than 1 km...but has hardly asked about me during last two months...so that i can get some company to spend quality time on weekends with her.....no body cares for me...she only calls her mother daily and talk to her. They dont like when i visit my parentes home who lives nearby in 13 km distance
I married this guy who was my first and last love...but he too not concerned if i m facing any issues here or getting bored or alone or needing help on anyting...he just asks me about everyone s health here....and when i tell him about my issues he lacks interest and just cut the phone....is he the same guy who i met and gave my everything....9 years ago...
i hate myself...and waiting for God to appear in my dream to tell me where to go and what to do